As always happens as we approach April, workloads in our classes are increasing and the typical end-of-fatigue is setting in. I have been noticing that my energy levels have been decreasing and my general mental state is not quite at its peak, so I decided I needed to make some adjustments in order to finish the term strong and be ready for my practicum – namely for this inquiry project.

And what I decided to do was completely abandon the goals I had set for myself throughout the project in previous posts and focus only on my initial aim: have fun. Rather than keeping myself bound to particular expectations I had set for myself, this week I just gave myself the permission to do whatever I wanted, and freeing it was indeed. All the songs I have been drawn to playing have had a nautical theme it seems, which seems metaphoric for the free sailing I am needing in my life at the moment.

Piano

I’m still working on the same part of The Wellerman that I was before, but I decided to forget about my aims of not looking down. I gave myself permission to look down the whole time if I wanted, and I found I had mostly memorized this section. And goodness, did playing feel different. I was honestly quite surprised to find that I could actually play this first part pretty well, and well enough to have most my attention on simply enjoying what I was playing, rather than on trying to get the notes right. In doing this, I feel like I sort of transitioned from “practising” to “playing” – not “playing” as in performing music, but in the same way that a child becomes immersed in their own little world. There is definitely a place for goalsetting and technique work, and I don’t plan on completely stopping that. But I believe that their purpose should be to provide a foundation of skill that will allow me to enjoy what I’m doing.

Flute

As for piano, I decided to just let myself do whatever I wanted, but that manifested differently for me on flute. I came across this arrangement by Colm McGuinness of Barrett’s Privateers, originally by the late Stan Rogers.

This arrangement really spoke to me for some reason, and I decided I wanted to learn how to play the song. I found this music online and followed only the top notes an octave higher than it was written. This music is slightly more difficult than the music in my book, but not so hard that I wasn’t able to play it. It was so much more motivating to play a song that I was genuinely interested in learning, and it was the first time I actually spent my whole practice session on one song, simply because I was invested.

Into Port

Structure and planning are important, but I have learned about myself that it is important to intentionally create space for freedom without restrictions in my life. In general, I find that it is too easy to get bogged down with what I “should” be doing, but sometimes letting go of that “should” allows for more progress than you would think. When I let go of my expectation that I should keep my eyes on the music, I played my piano better than I ever have during this project. When I just let myself play find and fiddle with whatever flute music interested me most, I naturally pushed my skills without needing to force it. Perhaps it would do me well to expand this mindset beyond just my music.